You smell like a Billy Joel song
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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