Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
as a side note pls kill me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
