I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
