is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
