She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
