I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
