He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
