I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
