my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
