His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
