I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
