You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
