Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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