I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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