we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
