When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
