he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
