I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We just shotgunned beers for America
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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