I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
