Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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