I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
