he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
