this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
