My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
