His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
