you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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