You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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