So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
