grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
