you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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