i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
