I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
