Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
