I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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