everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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