Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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