she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
