the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
