my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
