i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The adults are the big ones right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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