I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
