you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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