I puked a lego.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
