The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
