Dual....:-)
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
