I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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