I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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