i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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