i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
