Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
