that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
