Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
