Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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